"Stay Calm"

I don't know what to do next.  It's hard not to panic.  I do know however that I need to keep everything in perspective.  After all it's only a freaking amateur sporting event, and the world will not be worse off if it doesn't came together as planned.

By now you may have gathered that my long run was not a success.  As promised I did everything by the book, but I ended up with the exact same outcome.  I barely survived 25 kms and then finished with a very painful 3km walk home.  Based on the minimal amount of activity leading up to today I have positively ruled out the overtrained theory.  I don't think I really bought it in the first place since I never experienced the elevated resting heart rate problem that is one of the most common indicators.

It is unlike anything I have ever experienced before.  The first indication is sore legs after about 90 minutes. That is unheard of other than the day after a very hard workout of some kind. Then my heart rate starts to climb quickly and within a half hour I go from being totally in control to completely floundered.

I have not ruled out the effects of the hyperbaric chamber despite the confidence of the doctors.  On Monday I will challenge him more specifically to give me evidence in the form of studies and data.  The Internet is full of stuff but I can not find anything relevant to my particular situation.

(run 25 kms, 2:13)

Be like a duck. Calm on the surface, but always paddling like the dickens underneath."---Michael Caine

Fear cannot be banished, but it can be calm and without panic; it can be mitigated by reason and evaluation."---Vannevar Bush

Love

Peter

"Wish Me Luck!"

Tomorrow I will do everything right.  I will start by sleeping in.  Then I will have a leisurely but generous breakfast.  I will dress appropriately.  I will stay well hydrated and I will even put a few bananas in the mailbox.  I will wear my heart rate monitor and focus exclusively on that indicator as opposed to time.  I will stay close to home and run only as far as I can without getting into trouble.

And I damn well better have a good run or I'm gonna lose my mind!!!

I have already pretty feel decided to forego my marathon which is slated for 4 weeks from Sunday.  I just can't see any possible way I will be ready.....barring some kind of a miracle tomorrow.  That may even be a good thing.  Certainly all of the experts caution against doing a marathon as part of your preparation.  For me it was more of a psychological issue than a physical one because that was part of my strategy last time around.

Wish me luck!

Your smile of the day.  I went into my giant test tube today with my underwear on, and they are decidedly not 100% cotton.  Fortunately I never realized it until I was just about done, or I would have been stressed out of my tree wondering whether I should tell them or not.  I don't know what they would have done but I suspect the protocol would be to shut down and take me out.  By the time I figured it out I decided to keep my mouth shut.  After all.....I never blew up!  Oh, and by the way, that has happened a few times around the world, including an equine chamber in Florida just over a month ago.  That explosion killed both the horse in the chamber and the technician running it.  Here's the story.

(swim 1500 metres)

"I believe in luck: how else can you explain the success of those you dislike?"---Jean Cocteau

"From the cradle to the coffin underwear comes first."---Bertolt Brecht

Love

Peter

"I've Lost One (1) Kylie"

Well make that almost two (2)!

I keep this belt around as a reminder of other times.  When I wore it in that hole I was the GM at Formet during the most stressful time of my life.  I weighed 240 lbs!  I am now closing in on 160....almost 2 Kylies difference.  Damn I'm a lucky man to come out of it alive and to have gained one (1) Kylie in the interim!

(run 7.3kms)

"The marvelous richness of human experience would lose something of rewarding joy if there were no limitations to overcome. The hilltop hour would not be half so wonderful if there were no dark valleys to traverse."---Helen Keller

Love

Peter

"Diet of a Madman!"

I decided to thoroughly capture my eating regimen for one day.  I generally try to keep it around 2500 to 3000 calories and keep my fat intake under 80 grams.  Lets see what it adds up to today.

Breakfast was 2 bagfuls, 380 cals, 6g fat) one large banana, (125/.5)and 2 cups of coffee.

Lunch was in the car on the way back from Hamilton.  One Arbys Philly and Swiss (410/20) , one large banana (125/.5), and 2 cartons of 2% milk (260/10)

 Supper.  Two pieces Presidents Choice Blue Menu chicken (300/5), two cans green beans (160/0), 75 ml fat free dressing (50/0), 2 cups fresh papaya (120/.5), one tub of fat free yogurt ( 210/0), and one large glass of skim milk (170/1)

And my usual bed time snack is 2 Del  Monte yogurt bars(120/2).

For a grand total of 2420 calories and 43.5 grams of fat.  This is probably a little less than the average as I usually eat a larger lunch.  One of my staples is of course pasta and I often eat a plateful worth more than 1000 calories in one sitting, and when I am working out I often supplement with high protein meal replacement drinks which are 250 cals. a pop.

A couple of things jump out at me.  One is that I could probably afford to eat more, early in the day.  I think even getting my breakfast up to 800 calories would not be overkill.  The other thing that was evident at least on this day, was that I could probably afford some more fat.  I still want to be careful but too little fat  will definitely hurt my training in the long run.  Fat is especially essential to allow our bodies to absorb the nutrients we provide them.  I decided to start taking a multivitamin as well and so again I need to make sure I get enough fat to support them.

Today I did almost nothing again. I will tell you it is so very hard.  It is less than 5 months to the race now and I suddenly feel woefully behind.  I will however stay the course until Saturday when I will try a longer run, but even beyond that I intend on going easy until I finish my treatments next tuesday.  By then I better feel a lot freakin better or I'm gonna be pissed!  Cause then I'm gonna drop the hammer again!!

(swim 1000 metres)

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 today and we don’t know where the hell she is.” –Ellen Degeneres

Love

Peter

"Well There Goes That Theory"

Teresa,  when I gave the Doc your hypothesis he chuckled and told me it was wishful thinking.  I told him it was Corys idea!

But this particular Doctor is a very special guy as I may have mentioned before.  I told him that I couldn't get in to my family doctor until next week, and that was his cue to take charge.  The first step was of course to check out my heart and lungs which all seemed great.  Then blood tests, but because the outpatient blood taking people were only open until 11 am it would mean not getting that done until tomorrow.  He went down the hall to the burn unit and talked someone into coming to the HBO unit with their needles, and they poked me before I went into the tube.  By the time I got out he had the results!

And the verdict is....everything normal other then a wee bit of dehydration.  I was momentarily disappointed, as insane as that sounds.  I was hoping for an answer, but that answer was certainly not to be found in my blood.  His opinion after hearing my story, examining me, and looking at the test results?

I ain't buying it yet but I am thinking about it.  And the only reason I'm seriously considering his diagnosis is because he is an experienced endurance athlete himself.  And he is a very convincing guy.

He says "overtrained"!

Overttrained???  WTF!  Not me!  I am a machine!

I know from my reading and from witnessing others experiences that they never seem to see this particular condition coming until they have it, and even then I have seen people in denial about it.  If I compare to my last undertaking I have to admit that I have taken much less time off.  Perhaps you will recall that in 2009 I was still travelling to Mexico quite often which automatically built downtime into the program.  Since I went to China 4 months ago I have rarely taken a day off and maybe....just maybe...that has all added up.

So I'm gonna do my best for the next several days to do everything in a relaxed manner, and of short duration.  I will completely stop the weights until after my Hamilton trips are over next week.  Come this Saturday I will do another longer test to see how it feels, but I promise myself to stay close to home and "quit" the minute it stops feeling right.

Meanwhile I will follow up with my family doc next tuesday to see what he says.  I have also decided to start taking a multivitamin and I may even talk to the dietician at the doctors office.  I know my nutrition can still use some enhancement.

Wish me luck!  The mental part of this whole deal is the toughest especially because that's the area I'm most challenged in.  After all.  I'm an idiot!

(swim 1000 metres, run 7.3 kms)

"Success is often achieved by those who don't know that failure is inevitable"---Coco Chanel

Love
Peter

"I Know I Promised"

And I'll probably get shit from someone but it's hard not to worry.  I suppose that's the problem with any obsession.  If anything seems to threaten it, you get panicky real quick.  Today I can not even walk normally let alone work out!  

I asked the Doctor in Hamilton today and he said it was very unlikely that the chamber was causing my problems.  He's not my favourite Doctor however and I will ask another guy tomorrow.  The other guy actually has personal experience with endurance sports and as such will at least care about  my situation.  Let's see what he says.  I also made an appt. with my family doctor to at least get my blood checked.  He is also a bit of a fitness nut so again I know I will get good support. Unfortunately he is off until next week.

I read an interesting article today about a study related to "hypo"baric treatments.  That is the exact opposite of what I'm doing (low pressure and low oxygen).  The study claimed to prove that  endurance improved in athletes who regularly used this method???  You can also find all kinds of claims that hyperbaric does the same thing???  That don't make any sense to me at all!!!

If I can't get answers I will have no choice but to ignore everything and deny there is anything wrong.  Stick my head right up my ass and just get training!!

And last but not least for today, and just for the record Cory, I did not "quit" yesterday.  I got closer than I ever did mind you, and it may well be in my future sometime, but I have not quit in a race yet.  I did slow down, but that is a very different thing.  That being said I appreciate the point you were trying to make. Thank you!

Back at it tomorrow for sure.  I will swim in the morning before my trip and then go for a little jog when I get home.  I should be ready to go, since HBO is supposed to speed recovery??

"Men do not quite playing because they grow old; they grow old because thy quit playing."---Oliver Wendell Holmes

Love
Peter

"Success"

She didn't want me putting her picture up here again but I told her that I had worked my ass off for the last 3 months to get her that shirt and so she was damn well gonna pose for me.

Today my wife ran 30 kms in a time of 2:33:47!!  Of the 320, fifty year old women that ran this race Claudette finished 16th, which puts her in the top 5 percentile!!!!  She was also in the top 10 percent of all female runners, the majority of which are younger than her.  That's what I call success and I am damn proud of her.  Way to go old girl!  And for crying out loud...look at her!! Fifty??? Wow!!

Despite a different kind of day for myself I am not the least bit envious......no wait.....maybe a little bit.  Check out the very cool shirt.  Mine is a very boring single colour blue.  Bummer.  I would steal hers if only it would fit me.  Oh well.  Such is life.

Very quickly on my day.  I'm not sure what it is but something is quite wrong.  I knew suddenly at about 18 kms that it was gonna be the same story as the last 2 weekends.  At 20 kms I sent Roo on ahead by herself and I finished the last 10 alternating walking and jogging.  I finished in 2:38:34.  Just for the record I ran this same distance in a training run in February, with no rest, in a time 0f 2:27!  WTF!

Now I have to find the problem.  Please know that is not because I am a shirker.  I have never experienced anything like this in all the years I have been running.  I actually had moments of dizziness even while I was walking.  They were serious enough that I moved to the side of the road away from traffic because I did not trust myself to not fall down.  To totally and completely fall off the rails like this is not in my experience.   Something is quite wrong!

   I am hoping that it is the hyperbaric treatments.  Certainly the timing is coincidental with the beginning of my struggles.  There is at  least some anecdotal evidence that prolonged use of the treatment in healthy, fit athletes can have a negative effect.  I will talk to the Doctor this week to see what he says.  If not that, then I guess maybe I'll go to church. 

It was also great to see Teresa and Brett there today, and the scientist in my dear sister has al;ready produced a theory related to hemoglobin and the production of red blood cells that I will also ask the doctor about.  I'll let you know what he says Teresa.

Whatever it is I will figure it out.  Despite my fears I am intrigued by the mystery, and I know it is of paramount importance that I do not let it get the better of me mentally.  I promise myself to stay positive. 

(30 km race, 2:38:34)

"Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm."---Winston Churchill

"Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude."---Thomas Jefferson

Love

Peter

"It's Not About How Fast You Run"

It's about how good you look!  Wish us luck!  If you feel so inclined you should be able to see live results here.  The race states at 9:30 am.

Oh and it's also about how much you love each other.....and I love her a lot!  Game on!!

(another rest day)

Oh! do not attack me with your watch. A watch is always too fast or too slow. I cannot be dictated to by a watch."---Jane Austen

"To fly as fast as thought, you must begin by knowing that you have already arrived."---Richard Bach

Love
Peter

"Motivation"

This is one of the reasons I run.  The excitement of race day.  The finish on Sunday will be inside Copps Coliseum.  I was there today to pick up our race kits.

But I'm not totally about the work and no play.  I also run for this.

And my dear wife runs for many reasons, not the least of which is having to live with my obsessions.

No workout today.  I even skipped my morning swim.  Of course I got my oxygen as usual so I should be good.  Thank God it's the weekend.  I would rather run 30kms every day, than make that freaking trip.  I think I'm gonna have a beer damn it!!  But probably just one  :)

You know what else motivates me.  I think that my exercise and my training make me a better person.  Definitely I believe I am a kinder person.  I can feel the difference in my heart.  When I am fit and healthy not very many things piss me off. 

"Be miserable.  Or motivate yourself.  Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice."---Wayne Dyer

Love
Peter

"Deaf, Dumb and Blind"

Or is that fat, dumb and happy!  I remember a customer using that expression once to describe the company I worked for (or maybe to describe me?). I told him that I could not help but agree with the fat and happy, but that I took exception to the dumb part!  I would have to say I feel the same way in regards to the title of my post.  I had a great deal of hearing loss from the chemotherapy drugs and now the hyperbaric is wreaking havoc with my eyesight.  That leaves me deaf and blind, but still resenting the "dumb".  I suppose however that it's meaning in this expression is more literal, and we all know that I am not dumb in that way at all!!!  I suppose also that if I am honest, the more colloquial meaning may apply to some degree.

I'm just glad they warned me about the eyesight thing because it can be quite disconcerting when it gets bad.  It comes and goes but at it's worst it's like looking through the wrong part of my glasses.  They promise that it will completely return to normal after treatment, and they better be right!!


Just 8 more sessions to go.  I am  so damn grateful that I don't have a job to worry about or I would be stressed beyond belief.  


I had a pretty rough night with my jaw but it responded nicely as the day wore on.  So much so, that on top of my swim this morning I went out for a very quick little ride when i got home.  One more swim tomorrow and then that's definitely it before race day.

I am looking forward to Sunday big time, even though based on my last 2 long runs I should be anything but optimistic.  But really I don't care about any of that since the big attraction for me is running with Claudette. It has been so many years since we ran together and I intend on enjoying every moment of it, even if she ends up carrying me.  I know I told you we were after 2:30 (5 min kms), but please forgive us if for some reason we don't make it.  I think we will, but then again I'm the dumb one in this partnership!   Whatever happens it will happen to both of us, and for me that is the only thing that matters.  Wish us luck!  Game on!

The other bonus to the day will be that grampa Kyle will be racing as well which god-willing will also allow us a little face time with his better half.  I really hope so, cause I need someone to hold my bag.  Love you Teresa!!!

Pre race day bonus is that you have to pick up your race kit on the friday or saturday prior to the race.... at Copps Coliseum....just a few blocks form Hamilton General Hospital.  Serendipity my friends!

(swim 1000 metres, ride 18kms)


Half of being smart is knowing what you are dumb about."---Solomon Short

I was deaf and dumb and blind to all but me, myself and I."---Loretta Young

Love

Peter

"Feelin Pretty Good"

Like I got punched in the mouth...once on each side!  But much less aggravation than I thought.  I was quite  groggy last night and ended up skipping my weights, which is just as well since I got shit from Elly for it.  I did however do them tonite, but I also used my better judgement to not do anything else.  I have decided that the rest of the week will be swimming only, just to be on the safe side, both from the perspective of my jaw, and the race on Sunday.

And I can't believe I didn't think about it but my hyperbaric/tonsil cancer buddy pointed out that lots of blood flow is a very, very good thing!!!  Makes sense eh?  Osteoradionecrosis is a threat primarily because of reduced blood flow due to the radiation, and the treatments are intended to alleviate that issue.  I'm gonna confirm with the doctors, but it makes sense to me.

And as to the offers of blood.
Sally I will happily take some of your toxic blood if it will dilute some of your side effects.
Betty, thanks for the offer but somehow the idea of the blood of any of my sisters running through my veins leaves me a little apprehensive.  I can't even imagine what Cory's would do to me?

Make me smarter?  NOT!
More witty?            NOT
More sarcastic?      NOT!
More generous, and kind....yah probably!

And on the "are you felling sorry for yourself" front.  I met a lady today at the clinic.  A survivor who now suffers from chronic bleeding in her bowel caused by the radiation.  They have tried everything to control it with hyperbaric now being a last resort.  I felt sheepish explaining to her that I was there because I was having a few teeth removed!  Good luck my new friend!

And a small order of business.  Please replace and and all e-mail addresses you may have for me with this one.  { pwrooyakkers@gmail.com }

(weights)

"You may be sorry that you spoke, 

sorry that you stayed or went, 

sorry that you won or lost,

 sorry that so much was spent. 

But as you go throughout life, you'll find,

you're never sorry you were kind."---Herbert Prochnow

Love

Peter

"What's Your Blood Type?"

I may need a freaking transfusion.  No wait!  That won't help since I don't even know my own type.  I guess I'm screwed.

Actually it wasn't that bad after a nervous start.  There seemed to be a little confusion as to which, and how many of my teeth they were gonna pull.  That caused me a little apprehension which was NOT put to rest when the 19 year old dentist walked into the room!  I'm sure he must have been older than that, but at the risk of doing a little racial profiling, he was Chinese, and they do have a reputation of being keeners, as well of course, as being masters of home grown medicine.

But I have to admit he did an exceptional job right from the get go. The freezing was quick, the extraction itself practically painless, and the stitching I never even felt. The greatest discomfort is still to come I'm sure (it's been only 2 hours), but I choose to go home without the Percocet's (I know too much about that shit!), and so at least the pain will be of my own choosing.

I'm probably more worried right now about eating. I'm getting hungry as I type and I have to wait at least a couple more hours for the bleeding to stop. I will probably be somewhat limited in what I can get down.

When I whined about their 48 hour no workout rule they kinda said later tomorrow would be okay as long as I was careful. The concern of course is that the bleeding will start again and then I will definitely have to find out my blood type. I'll see how I feel tomorrow after my hyberbaric and then decide. I would like to work out tomorrow and Thursday yet, and then take the next few days off before Sundays race. And I'm gonna do my weights tonite...that don't really count :)

I did manage to get a nice little ride in before the dentist. Unfortunately now I need to clean my bike since I got rained on. It actually felt quite good. I'm starting to hope that maybe, just maybe, I won't have to move back inside to the trainer this year. It is taking a little adjustment to being on the road again as my back is feeling the impact of the road vibrations. That's 2 decent rides on my new saddle but I'm gonna hold onto my observations for just a few more trips, or until I get a longer one in. Let's just say for now that it is not perfect, but that I am cautiously optimistic.

Oh....and Happy Birthday Mary (Roo told me)

(50 km ride)

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."---Robin Williams

Love
Peter

"D-Day Tomorrow"

Try this.  Open your mouth as wide as you can and insert as many fingers as you can, with your fingers stacked vertically.  I can almost get two in! But it is immediately uncomfortable, and that is before my jaw starts to cramp.   Now imagine the dentist trying to pry it open a whole lot further so he can get his big pliers in there to rip out two of your molars.

I'm quite nervous about the whole deal.  Primarily about the event itself but also the aftermath.  I expect quite a bit of bruising and soreness.  On top of that they will tell me not to exercise for at least 48 hours which will take me through to Thursday.  The problem then becomes the race on Sunday for which I'm gonna have to rest up a little.  That probably means 4 days with no training!!

So what am I gonna do.  Go nuts I guess!  Since my appt tomorrow is not until the afternoon I will try to get a decent ride in before hand, weather permitting.

Speaking of weather I have a new definition of insanity as demonstrated by the Thames Valley District School Board.  Here it is!

Start with the foggiest morning we have had in some years.  Then take your most prized treasures (your children and grandchildren of elementary school age), pack them all in big tin cans (40 to a can),  and proceed to park those cans at random locations, but always right in the middle of our highways in the middle of the aforementioned blinding freakin fog!!!!!

I watched the bus monitor all morning, expecting the delay signal which never came.  I kept refreshing but it never changed.  Unbelievable to me.  Even though I understand the rationale of stopping the bus on the road instead of beside it, the wisdom of this is questionable when no one can see where the hell they are going!  I speak from experience.  When I was about 13-14 our bus was rear ended by a transport truck  in similar conditions, and only a miracle allowed for no deaths.  I'm curious if any of my siblings remember that day?

Oh yah!  I drove Colby to school!

(swim 500 metres, run 7.3kms, weights)

Anyway.  Wish me luck tomorrow.  I just want it over with.

"We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe."---Johann von Goethe


Love
Peter

"That's Better"

I expected to be hurting today in light of my tough run and little bike ride yesterday. Then I slept very poorly due to the old dry mouth problem.

So I decided on an easy bike ride today with the focus being on getting the saddle dialed in. It was another incredible March morning with minimal winds and as such decided on 50 kms. It went surprisingly well. My ass of course got quite sore from the new seat, but if there was any numbness it was negligible.

Much to my surprise my legs felt quite lively, and I managed the 50k in a very respectable 31 kms/hr.

(ride 50 kms, swim 500 metres)
So while my long run problems remain a mystery todays workout confirms my overall fitness.
If you even dream of beating me you'd better wake up and apologize."---Muhammad Ali

Love

Peter

"Mystified"

I feel fit.  I feel strong. I feel ambitious.

All of which leaves me totally puzzled as to why I ran out of gas again today.  Somehow I survived for 23  kms of a planned 36 and then I walked home. Very strange.  For the first 12-15 kms I was barely sweating and then over the next 3 or 4 the wheels fell off  After a banana at 18 kms I felt a bit better for 15 mins or so, but by that time I could tell the end was near.  It was such a nice day that I did enjoy the 5 km walk at the end.

The trick now is to not overanalyze it and to trust in my overall fitness. I truly believe I am right on schedule in all  my disciplines and also that my improved body composition and added strength have me well positioned for the increased work load in the coming months.

Next week is Around the Bay so I damn well need to be feeling better by then or Roo is gonna have to carry me.  I bet she could if she had to, so maybe I'll fake it even if I do feel better.

I settled for a little follow up bike ride just to dial my new seat in.  First expressions are what I expected.  It is very firm and it will take some getting used to, but that is normal. As to numbness it is too early to tell.  I only rode for 18 kms and that was interrupted  several times to make adjustments.

Of course you will note (ROO!) that if this seat does not work out that Sally has authorized a new bike.  And if Sally wants me to have a new bike who am I to disappoint her!!

Your smile for the day if you happened to have been in the St Thomas Superstore, would be seeing me doing the groceries in my slippers.  That's a new first for me.   I first realized in when I was pumping gas, and there was no way I was driving back home then.

It occurs to me just now that maybe the problem is simply a function of rest.  I have had lots of problems sleeping lately and with my daily 6 hour trips to Hamilton there certainly has not been time for an afternoon nap.  Twelve more visits plus one to London for the dentist and then I will have lots of time both to train and to sleep.  I am looking forward to the end of that nonsense.

(run 23 mms, bike 18kms)

"Give me a mystery - just a plain and simple one - a mystery which is diffidence and silence, a slim little bare-foot mystery: give me a mystery - just one!"---Yevgeny Yestushenk

Love

Peter

"Last Chance"

I am down to the wire now. I believe I have exhausted all potential solutions and it now comes down to a choice.

What you see here is the saddle that finally ended my numbness woes, and that I rode for the latter part of last year. The numbness was eliminated because of the wide channel down the middle.



The problem with it is the width. It causes me problems further back on my butt and in my hips, and I it seems to impede the natural pedal stroke.

So I went to this one which is significantly narrower, and still has some kind of a channel.



The problem this time is that the padding is too soft and the foam seems to collapse into the channel causing guess what? Yup! Numb nuts again!

So when I was at the bike show I had a chance to look at and hold this one. I was well aware of it from my Internet searching and in fact is made by the same company as one of my previous iterations. This saddle however costs more than any one I had previously bought and so I was afraid to order it sight unseen. Having a good look at it convinced me to throw my money away!



So this is the last chance. You an see that it has a fairly generous central channel and I can tell you that it is very firm. Weather permitting it will get it's first road test on Sunday. As long as I don't go numb I will give it a prolonged opportunity. If I do....well then I have a choice to make. Wish me luck.

It does look pretty cool eh?

(swim 750 metres)

“I must learn to love the fool in me the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries”---Theodore Rubin

Love

Peter

"Suddenly Exhausted"

It can't be the bike ride of 18 kms even though I did ride as hard as I could....almost 35 kms/hr.
I suspect it is a combination of travel and being a parent.  And the only difference between those two I suppose is that when I travel I go back and forth, but in parenting I go around in circles.  Lord help me Jesus!  I will never give up, never surrender!

So sorry for another lame post but it just doesn't seem important enough tonite.  Tomorrow will be an exciting day however as I'm gonna reveal my latest saddle in all it's glory.  I don't have it on the bike yet!

(weights, 18 km bike)

"We can't form our children on our own concepts; we must take them and love them as God gives them to us."---Johann Goethe

Love
Peter

"In a Glass House"

Just over half way there.  Sixteen down, fourteen to go, plus one day dental surgery.  It is getting a little more frustrating now.  I can not get comfortable at all in there and today I felt really edgy.  I have to make sure I focus on my breathing and try to use the time for "thinking"!

Oh and Betty.  If you can wait until my Hamilton trips are over,. I will personally deliver a nice selection of seats and even help with the tryout and installation.

(swim 1200 metres, run 7.3 kms)


We can always choose to perceive things differently. You can focus on what's wrong in your life, or you can focus on what's right."---Marianne Williamson

love

peter

"Severance Pay"

Took your advice Ky!  Spent most of my severance on a new bike saddle. :)  With what I had left over I also bought a new computer....the first laptop I've ever owned!  The problem is that I can't figure out how to use most of it, including working this blogger.  For that reason, and the fact that it is 9:30 and I still have to do my weights, this will be my entire post.

(bike 34 mms, weights)

I always pass on good advice. It is the only thing to do with it. It is never of any use to oneself."---Oscar Wilde

Love
Peter

"On Water Puddles and Extra Skin"

Back when we lived up in Lynhurst we had a concrete driveway put in. I hired a guy whose work I was familiar with, and who I trusted to do a good job.  I can be a little bit fussy at times about the way things get done, but after explaining exactly what I wanted I was pretty confident things would turn out nicely.  Sure enough, it was a beautiful job.  The surface was just right, the edges were dead straight, and the slope for drainage looked to be perfect.  Every day when I came home from work I would pull into, and admire, my "perfect" concrete driveway.  Until......one day it rained....and I came home to a water puddle right in the middle of my beautiful slab of concrete!!  Oh no!  What was I gonna do?  This couldn't have happened!  It was supposed to be perfect!  Who ever heard of water puddles evaporating?  Crazy!

Believe it or not that continued to bother me for some time despite my rational mind telling me how irrational it was.  After much anguish I eventually came to the realization that I needed to do something about it, and quickly concluded that I had 2 choices.  I could fix the driveway, or choose to think about it differently.  Fortunately sanity prevailed and after a long conversation with myself I chose this approach.  I simply told myself that the water puddle would be my reminder that life was not perfect, concrete driveways are not perfect, and I was not perfect.  I decided that from that point forward the puddle would be my reminder to remain humble in my imperfection.  It worked!  Never again did it bother me and in actual fact became some kind of inspiration.

So much so that every time I come across an unpleasant state of affairs that nags at me, and that I feel the need  to put right, I am reminded of the water puddle.

And that of course is where the 'extra skin' comes into this post.  The other day I bought a very nice pair of compression shorts in preparation for the Bay Race.  They are of course quite snug (compression) and they are also high waisted.  Much to my dismay, when I put them on  they somehow managed to shove all of the extra skin on my belly in an upwards direction, where it proceeded to literally hang in folds over the top of the shorts.  Hmmmm.  A little disconcerting for Joe Fitness to see this in the mirror.  I remember vaguely thinking that maybe a little cosmetic surgery was in order.  But not for long because the 'puddle' came quickly to mind, and I was saved.  Now I had another great reminder to be humble in my imperfection.  And the bonus is that I really like the shorts.

Now what may be the point of all this?   For me at least it serves to support the idea that without humility one will never be able to discover peace.  If you insist on perfection in the things around you, and more importantly in your self, you will always remain unsatisfied.  That's my theory friends!

On the training front I want to tell you that once again I'm back to square one in the swimming pool.  I don't however consider it a setback but rather just another step in the learning process.  I have gone back to the basics but this time I think with a better understanding of balance and relaxation in the water.  I find that I can swim 2 or 3 lengths with everything clicking just right and then it falls apart and I revert back to splashing.  For the first part of every workout I now focus  totally on technique.  I try not to swim a messy lap even if that means I can only do one or two at a time without a break. So far it feels really, really good.  I know that I can quickly  get my swimming endurance up to an acceptable level when necessary, and so the focus for the next couple of months will be on stroke improvement.  Stay tuned.

And Cory, my wife is so happy to have you back picking on me.  Thank you for that because what makes her happy, makes me happy.

And thanks to all for the kind words of support regarding my unemployment.  Please know that it's all good! I am now so looking forward to finishing the Hamilton trips to truly feel like I have time on my hands.  Sixteen more trips, plus one to London to have the teeth pulled.  No problem!

(swim 1000 metres, 7.3 km run)

Almost any difficulty will move in the face of honesty. When I am honest I never feel stupid. And when I am honest I am automatically humble."---Hugh Prather

Let us be a little humble; let us think that the truth may not perhaps be entirely with us."---Jawaharlal Nehru

Love

Peter

"The Miracle of Spring"

I know it's not here to stay but it was a glorious day none the less. It was 9 degrees when I left and had climbed to 12 by the time I got back. I know that riding on the trainer is actually good for you from a training perspective but decidedly not so good for your head. It just felt so glorious. At one point I specifically remember thinking that I felt happy, and then quickly wondered if it was okay do to so. The old guilt problem I guess. But not to worry. When I got home I checked with Claudette and she emphatically ensured me that feeling happy was acceptable.

Spring arrived in another glorious form today with the return of my dear big sister Cory. (see yesterdays comments) Welcome back Grandma! Of course she started right into me with the abuse, but even that I welcome. And I promise that in the future I will respond to all of your questions Cory. Let me start by telling you that I want socks!! I don't want no freaking home sewn towels that they aren't gonna let me wear anyway. Please just go to the Winners where Elly guarantees they got 100% cotton socks, and deliver those. Elly seems to be ignoring me, the bitch!

Oh and I'm curious. Did you download Google Chrome or did you figure it out with Explorer?

I am currently reading 'A tale of two Cities' by Charles Dickens. If anyone ever thinks they have any talent for writing they should first spend a little time with this book. I find it simultaneously humbling and inspiring. Today I came across these few words describing a scene in a bar in an impoverished neighbour in Paris.

"Madame Defarge sat in her seat presiding over the distribution of wine, with a bowl of battered coins before her, as much defaced and beaten out of their original impress as the small coinage of humanity from whose ragged pockets they had come"

Blows me away!!

I also had a decent swim this morning and combined with my bike ride I think I got my mojo back!

(swim 1500 metres, ride 34 kms)

"Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing."---Benjamin Franklin

Love

Peter

"Retire?"

What!

A few people have told me I should think about retiring.  I don't even know what retiring means so I looked it up.  Here are a few synonyms I found.

recede
regress
relinquish
resign
retreat
revoke
decamp
depart
surrender
withdraw
yield
....and my favorite...
ebb!!

You might as well ask me if I want to die.  I'm pretty sure dying is not as depressing as those words make retirement sound.  I can assure you that my friend Sally is not ebbing!!

But I guess retirement means different things to different people.  For some it may indeed be appealing to look forward  to a slower, more relaxing pace, sitting on the porch watching the sun go down.

Personally I am bound and determined to continue to escalate the pace until I eventually fall over.  I actually want to die standing up if that's possible.

So while I'm okay with the idea of never again working in a structured environment, and the aforementioned institutionalization that comes with it, I am definitely not okay with "retirement"  Game On!

As to what I'm gonna do next, I think there is profound wisdom in the quote that Ky supplied yesterday and so I give it to you again.

"The work you do while you procrastinate is probably the work you should be doing for the rest of your life."---Jessica Hische

Ky was unable to post her comment and I suspect it has something to do with "Internet Explorer"  I downloaded "Google Chrome" just for the sake of this blog and it works 100 times better.  Cory, I bet that would solve your problem as well

I think I have underestimated the emotional impact of this past week.  I hope at least that it's an excuse for my terrible workout today.  Based solely on recent physical exertion I should have been fresh today.  I planned 35 kms and quite after 18!  I hope it's just that old mind/body connection thing that I've preached about before

Oh, and off topic....but just for the record... Cosma International (the Cosma that I helped build) has for all of  last 10 years been the most successful group in all of Magna.  I make that statement based on financial results and employee opinion survey results.  We made the most money, and our employees were the happiest!!  So there!!

And lastly for my friends Deb and Ky....we have a hot tub....outside!!

And lastly, lastly, where the hell are my socks Elly?

(run 18 kms)

"The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does."---Anon.......with the employment laws in Ontario this is not necessarily true.

"Age is only a number, a cipher for the records. A man can't retire his experience. He must use it."---Bernard Baruch ....I never really valued experience until others seen it as a value in me.

"Retirement is the ugliest word in the language."---Ernest Hemingway....even old Ernest agrees with me

Love

Peter

"A Whole New Ball Game"

I'm sure you've heard of the term 'institutionalized'.  While as a verb it means the act of being sent to the funny farm, as an adjective it describes a psychological condition experienced by people who have been quite literally locked up for an extended period of time.

That's the way I feel.  Lost without someone or some situation to tell me what to do next.  You come to depend on the system.  For example, I am having trouble getting my e-mail to work on my personal phone, or I can't seem to export my contact list, and there's nobody to do it for me!

And I can't e-mail anyone to get help because guess what....no e-mail!  That was a really weird moment for me last night.  First I could no longer get on our corporate intranet site, and then, even though I knew it was gonna happen, when they pulled the plug on my e-mail it still somehow surprised me.  I have had that e-mail address as long as e-mail has existed.  I had to stop myself from picking up the phone to get it fixed, as if it was just another routine technical problem.  Alas....someone purposely cut me off!  Threw me off the bus!  Out of the family!  Into the street.

And that's really the biggest thing I guess.  All my friends work at Cosma...well not all of them....actually a lot of them got fired with me!  I guess the point is that Cosma was the home that brought us all together.  Now without that connection will I still remain part of the gang, or will the relationships quickly dissipate?

My role over the last several years has gradually become one of counsellor/advisor.  A great part of what I do (did) is talk to people, hopefully bringing some inspiration and encouragement..  Despite some of the frustrations I have experienced it was that part of the job that I really loved.  I got such gratification out of seeing people grow and develop their skills and I think I will miss that the most.

But when all is said and done I am confident that this is the very best thing that could have happened. My termination was handled with respect, and after little negotiation, for a little while at least, I don't have to worry about working.  I am super, super excited about the upcoming summer now.  By the time I finish the hyperbaric nonsense spring should be almost here, and I intend on living outside for the most part of every day.  I will probably come inside to sleep and maybe to eat!

If only I had a nice pair of 100% cotton socks my life would be complete!

No workout for the second day in a row.  This morning I was up for good by 3:00 am and combined with all of the nervous energy I have expended over the last few days I am utterly exhausted.  Tomorrow is long run day but I will not finalize the decision to go until the morning.  If it is still cold and windy I may procrastinate for another day.  I need a good "long" run without too much pain!

"All things are difficult before they are easy."---Thomas fuller

....and I know this one is probably not relevant or very self serving but that probably does not make it less valid....and it has the right word in it

"All personal, psychological, social, and institutionalized domination on this earth can be traced back to its' source: the phallic identities of men". Andrea Dworkin

Love

Peter

"Fired"

And on Christmas Day at that!!

Terminated, Given the boot, Let go, Dumped, Sacked, Canned, Cashiered, Axed, Shown the door, Chainsawed, Bounced out, Eighty-sixed, Given the old heave-ho, Discharged, Dismissed, etcetera, etcetera

After 27 plus years I have lots of mixed emotions but the over-riding one is a sense of peace. I have given what I have to give and I think it was enough....apparently they thought so as well....lol.

Someone asked me what I was gonna do now and I replied that I was thinking of maybe training for an Ironman triathlon!

Like I said, lots of stuff tumbling around in my brain. Tomorrow I will try to tell you more about it.

(no workout)

Actually, I began to think that maybe there is a god, after all. Or maybe it's a different one. The old one got fired."---Terry Gilliam

Love
Peter

"Anticipation"

It feels like Christmas Eve! One more sleep!

Elly, buy me some socks will ya?  I'll come and pick them up!

(swim 1250 metres, track run, weights)

There is no terror in the bang, only in the anticipation of it."---Alfred Hitchcock

Love

Peter

"Ten Down"

Twenty to go!  And in the middle of the twenty they will yank two teeth out of my head.  I admit to feeling a little overwhelmed.  I am nervous about the tooth extractions primarily because my jaw is always tender as it is, and my mouth does not open very far.  I'm pretty sure it's gonna hurt like hell for a while.

The daily travel and the 2 hours in my plastic cage are also starting to wear thin.

Compound that with all the uncertainty surrounding my work, and the stress of training, and this old man is kinda on the edge.

Throughout this I am trying not to be too much of a dink around my family and succeeding only moderately I'm afraid.

The temptation of course is to slack off on the training since it is really the only negotiable part of the current situation.  But I can't quite come to terms with that.  If I can only hold it together for another couple of weeks then I will definitely back off for 3 or 4 days prior to the Bay Race.

That's it!

Elly, I believe I have beaten donuts and ice cream at least temporarily, and what ever made you think they would have 100 % cotton socks at Winners??!!

Kathy, if I told you how much those bicycle saddles cost you would think me insane....if you don't already??

(computrainer 60 mins, weights)

Man has a limited biological capacity for change. When this capacity is overwhelmed, the capacity is in future shock."---Alvin Toffler

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."---Friedrich Nietzsche

Love

Peter

"Confessions of an Addict"

I once read a story about a guy who was addicted to classical music, or more specifically to buying rare recordings of classical music.  I guess he would sneak out of work in the afternoons and spend ridiculous amounts of money at obscure record shops around town.  I originally laughed it off, but once I read the man's personal reflections on his behaviour at the time I conceded that yes, indeed, he was addicted. To make the point I give you this definition.  Addiction is any habit with short term gratification and long term consequences. You can easily see based on that definition, how an insatiable need to collect music can be an addiction, particularly if you are pissing away your families money, and risking your job to satisfy it.  I remember being amazed at how much you could pay for a CD, especially one that had only orchestra music on it

So my question to you.

Can a man be addicted to bicycle saddles?  They say that the first step in recovery from addiction is admitting that one has a problem.  I'm trying to be honest with myself and my wife seems to think that as long as I'm not hiding my purchases it will probably not become a lifelong problem.  I think she's right, but she doesn't know how close I came to ordering another saddle from e-bay without telling her.  That is the reason for this current post.

You may recall the pretty blue saddle that I bought near the beginning of the year?  That one was no good at all, and I immediately went back to the one I have been using throughout the winter.  You may also recall the one I was testing early in February which I indeed since bought, and have been using for a couple of weeks now.  It was much better but had different problems (numbness again).  Despite that, I had decided that I would either make it work or go back to my ISM  (that was the funny looking short one that was numbness free).

BUT....then I went to the bike show and found "my" saddle!!!  Maybe?  I think?  Hopefully?

It seemed right.  not too wide....decent slot down the middle....not too much padding....pretty colour!

So I ordered one.  Once I receive it I promise I will show it to you.  But I absolutely swear on my mothers grave that this is the last one ever.

I AM NOT AN ADDICT!!!

(swim 1000 metres, run 7.3 kms)

"It's an addiction... and addiction is something I should know something about."---Keith Richards


"Secrecy, once accepted, becomes an addiction."---Edward Teller

"Feeling Pretty Good"

The day after long run day is always a little uncertain so today was a pleasant surprise.  I had enough energy to get my workouts in, and do my taxes.  It is now 3:30 pm and I am trying to decide between starting on the garage door openers, having something to eat, or having a nap.

All right I decided!  Too cold in the garage for my thin blood!  A yogurt bar to get me through to supper, and a nice nap with my book.  I'm reading one of the classics.  Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen.  Sounds very impressive doesn't it?  I admit to being a little disappointed.

Lastly for today please go back and read Old John's comment on yesterdays post.  When you read it please remember that I taught him everything he knows

(computrainer 30 kms, swim 1200 metres)

"Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite as satisfying as an income tax refund."---F.J. Raymond

Love

Peter

"Decisions"

The weatherman promised poor conditions for running this morning and he did not disappoint.  The freaking wind was out of this world, and tomorrow's forecast, while different (less wind, but colder with snow) wasn't much more appealing.  I decided to totally skip this week.  I thought out my options for a Saturday and considered maybe doing my taxes (not fun) or perhaps installing my new garage door opener (much fun).  After procrastinating the decision for about an hour I got my stuff on and went running!

It was decidedly not fun!  I went into town knowing that was the only possible way I may get some decent miles in.  There is a nice little 2.5 km loop that has a bit of traffic on one section, and a bit of wind, but it was as good as it's gonna get.  I left the plan kind of open, not knowing exactly what it was gonna be like once I got going. I don't think I have ever tried a long run in 40-50 km winds.  What I figured out very quickly was that there was no way I was going to be able to make it back home from the loop since the winds picked up even more, and sections of the trip back would have been into the teeth of it.  So I ran in circles (well rectangles actually) until I hit 30 kms and then I did an E.T.  I phoned home!

I did have a nice moment at about 18 kms when my arthritic left hip really started to hurt.  For some reason it triggered an overwhelming sense of gratitude.... gratitude that my health problems are so minor.  Think about it as I did.  I am a 56 year old cancer survivor who's arthritis starts acting up after 18 kms of running.  Tell that problem to a real arthritis sufferer!

And overall I was happy with my run.  I ran 5:09 kms for a total time of 2:34:30.  Most importantly I did not slow down over the distance.  My second half was faster than my first.

Only 3 weeks til the first test of the season.  I declare us ready for the Around The Bay Road Race on Mar 25th.  It is really Roo's day, as for me it is a training run, and the opportunity to bond with my honey, but for her it is D-day.  Her goal for the 30 kms is 2 hours 30 minutes, or 5 min kms.  I would tell you that she will accomplish it with ease, but that would diminish the challenge both of the training, and of the race itself.  This race is one of the most difficult long distance events in North America primarily because of the hills over the last 10 kms.  Rather I would tell you that I am supremely confident that Claudette will finish comfortably under her goal time.

After I posted this I opened it back up again because I forgot something important.  I want to announce a special "Game On" hats off today to one Brian Burke, the GM of the Toronto Maple Leafs.  I admit that I don't really like the guy but I continue to gain huge respect for him. Today he took another giant leap forward!  It was during a press conference he was holding to announce the new coach of the leafs.  Understand that video of this conference would be seen by millions of sports fas across North America and other parts of the world.  He was acknowledging the rights of fans to boo their hockey team , their coach, or anything else they choose to boo.  As long as, and I quote, "their words are not racist, homophobic, or obscene".  You are the man Brain Burke!!  Hats off!!

(run, 30 kms 2:34:30)

"Gratitude is an art of painting an adversity into a lovely picture."---Kak Sri

"We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures."---Thornton Wilder

....and especially for my son Michael....

"In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican."---H.L. Mencken

Love
Peter

"Bike Show"

I love the Toronto Bicycle Show but  since it's a 2 hour drive it becomes hit or miss for me from year to year.  But this year since I was gonna be in Hamilton anyway (fancy that) I decided to make a point of going.  I was kind of annoyed when I got there this aft to find that parking was gonna be13 bucks!  Especially because I knew from the website that it was gonna cost me another 13 bucks to get into the show!  Imagine the nice surprise when I got to the window to pay and upon receiving my change found out I had only paid $8.  I was at the point of correcting the woman but then glanced down at the ticket and sure enough it said very clearly right on the top, ---$8.00.---  As I walked away I looked at it again and on the bottom of the ticket it said very clearly, ---"Children 6-12 & Seniors".---  She never even freakin asked me!!  She just looked at me, and gave me the seniors price!  Holy shit folks!!!

Anyway, I don't really care.  I enjoyed the show.  I bought a very nice pair of Livestrong shorts for half the retail price, and I lusted after some of the eye candy.  Here are a few examples of things I would buy if I didn't have grandchildren.

Pretty as they are, I'll keep my grandchildren.  They're even prettier!

(No workout)

"You're in pretty good shape for the shape you are in."---Dr Seuss

Love

Peter

"Mentally Tired"

Day seven of my Hamilton trips and it's already starting to get tedious.  When I got home at about 5 pm I got straight on the bike but simply could not find my motivation.  The sick thing is that I'm confident in my conditioning right now and my only worry in taking a few days off is that I'll gain weight!!  I know it's irrational, but when you have spent your entire adult life fighting that battle it seems like you can never let your guard down.  

A special hello to my honey tonite who's in Montreal at the "match de hockey". Maybe the Habs will win one in honor of her visit.  

(easy bike, 30 mins)

...I like this...

"As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives."---Henry David Thoreau

Love

Peter