"In a Glass House"

Just over half way there.  Sixteen down, fourteen to go, plus one day dental surgery.  It is getting a little more frustrating now.  I can not get comfortable at all in there and today I felt really edgy.  I have to make sure I focus on my breathing and try to use the time for "thinking"!

Oh and Betty.  If you can wait until my Hamilton trips are over,. I will personally deliver a nice selection of seats and even help with the tryout and installation.

(swim 1200 metres, run 7.3 kms)


We can always choose to perceive things differently. You can focus on what's wrong in your life, or you can focus on what's right."---Marianne Williamson

love

peter

"Severance Pay"

Took your advice Ky!  Spent most of my severance on a new bike saddle. :)  With what I had left over I also bought a new computer....the first laptop I've ever owned!  The problem is that I can't figure out how to use most of it, including working this blogger.  For that reason, and the fact that it is 9:30 and I still have to do my weights, this will be my entire post.

(bike 34 mms, weights)

I always pass on good advice. It is the only thing to do with it. It is never of any use to oneself."---Oscar Wilde

Love
Peter

"On Water Puddles and Extra Skin"

Back when we lived up in Lynhurst we had a concrete driveway put in. I hired a guy whose work I was familiar with, and who I trusted to do a good job.  I can be a little bit fussy at times about the way things get done, but after explaining exactly what I wanted I was pretty confident things would turn out nicely.  Sure enough, it was a beautiful job.  The surface was just right, the edges were dead straight, and the slope for drainage looked to be perfect.  Every day when I came home from work I would pull into, and admire, my "perfect" concrete driveway.  Until......one day it rained....and I came home to a water puddle right in the middle of my beautiful slab of concrete!!  Oh no!  What was I gonna do?  This couldn't have happened!  It was supposed to be perfect!  Who ever heard of water puddles evaporating?  Crazy!

Believe it or not that continued to bother me for some time despite my rational mind telling me how irrational it was.  After much anguish I eventually came to the realization that I needed to do something about it, and quickly concluded that I had 2 choices.  I could fix the driveway, or choose to think about it differently.  Fortunately sanity prevailed and after a long conversation with myself I chose this approach.  I simply told myself that the water puddle would be my reminder that life was not perfect, concrete driveways are not perfect, and I was not perfect.  I decided that from that point forward the puddle would be my reminder to remain humble in my imperfection.  It worked!  Never again did it bother me and in actual fact became some kind of inspiration.

So much so that every time I come across an unpleasant state of affairs that nags at me, and that I feel the need  to put right, I am reminded of the water puddle.

And that of course is where the 'extra skin' comes into this post.  The other day I bought a very nice pair of compression shorts in preparation for the Bay Race.  They are of course quite snug (compression) and they are also high waisted.  Much to my dismay, when I put them on  they somehow managed to shove all of the extra skin on my belly in an upwards direction, where it proceeded to literally hang in folds over the top of the shorts.  Hmmmm.  A little disconcerting for Joe Fitness to see this in the mirror.  I remember vaguely thinking that maybe a little cosmetic surgery was in order.  But not for long because the 'puddle' came quickly to mind, and I was saved.  Now I had another great reminder to be humble in my imperfection.  And the bonus is that I really like the shorts.

Now what may be the point of all this?   For me at least it serves to support the idea that without humility one will never be able to discover peace.  If you insist on perfection in the things around you, and more importantly in your self, you will always remain unsatisfied.  That's my theory friends!

On the training front I want to tell you that once again I'm back to square one in the swimming pool.  I don't however consider it a setback but rather just another step in the learning process.  I have gone back to the basics but this time I think with a better understanding of balance and relaxation in the water.  I find that I can swim 2 or 3 lengths with everything clicking just right and then it falls apart and I revert back to splashing.  For the first part of every workout I now focus  totally on technique.  I try not to swim a messy lap even if that means I can only do one or two at a time without a break. So far it feels really, really good.  I know that I can quickly  get my swimming endurance up to an acceptable level when necessary, and so the focus for the next couple of months will be on stroke improvement.  Stay tuned.

And Cory, my wife is so happy to have you back picking on me.  Thank you for that because what makes her happy, makes me happy.

And thanks to all for the kind words of support regarding my unemployment.  Please know that it's all good! I am now so looking forward to finishing the Hamilton trips to truly feel like I have time on my hands.  Sixteen more trips, plus one to London to have the teeth pulled.  No problem!

(swim 1000 metres, 7.3 km run)

Almost any difficulty will move in the face of honesty. When I am honest I never feel stupid. And when I am honest I am automatically humble."---Hugh Prather

Let us be a little humble; let us think that the truth may not perhaps be entirely with us."---Jawaharlal Nehru

Love

Peter

"The Miracle of Spring"

I know it's not here to stay but it was a glorious day none the less. It was 9 degrees when I left and had climbed to 12 by the time I got back. I know that riding on the trainer is actually good for you from a training perspective but decidedly not so good for your head. It just felt so glorious. At one point I specifically remember thinking that I felt happy, and then quickly wondered if it was okay do to so. The old guilt problem I guess. But not to worry. When I got home I checked with Claudette and she emphatically ensured me that feeling happy was acceptable.

Spring arrived in another glorious form today with the return of my dear big sister Cory. (see yesterdays comments) Welcome back Grandma! Of course she started right into me with the abuse, but even that I welcome. And I promise that in the future I will respond to all of your questions Cory. Let me start by telling you that I want socks!! I don't want no freaking home sewn towels that they aren't gonna let me wear anyway. Please just go to the Winners where Elly guarantees they got 100% cotton socks, and deliver those. Elly seems to be ignoring me, the bitch!

Oh and I'm curious. Did you download Google Chrome or did you figure it out with Explorer?

I am currently reading 'A tale of two Cities' by Charles Dickens. If anyone ever thinks they have any talent for writing they should first spend a little time with this book. I find it simultaneously humbling and inspiring. Today I came across these few words describing a scene in a bar in an impoverished neighbour in Paris.

"Madame Defarge sat in her seat presiding over the distribution of wine, with a bowl of battered coins before her, as much defaced and beaten out of their original impress as the small coinage of humanity from whose ragged pockets they had come"

Blows me away!!

I also had a decent swim this morning and combined with my bike ride I think I got my mojo back!

(swim 1500 metres, ride 34 kms)

"Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing."---Benjamin Franklin

Love

Peter

"Retire?"

What!

A few people have told me I should think about retiring.  I don't even know what retiring means so I looked it up.  Here are a few synonyms I found.

recede
regress
relinquish
resign
retreat
revoke
decamp
depart
surrender
withdraw
yield
....and my favorite...
ebb!!

You might as well ask me if I want to die.  I'm pretty sure dying is not as depressing as those words make retirement sound.  I can assure you that my friend Sally is not ebbing!!

But I guess retirement means different things to different people.  For some it may indeed be appealing to look forward  to a slower, more relaxing pace, sitting on the porch watching the sun go down.

Personally I am bound and determined to continue to escalate the pace until I eventually fall over.  I actually want to die standing up if that's possible.

So while I'm okay with the idea of never again working in a structured environment, and the aforementioned institutionalization that comes with it, I am definitely not okay with "retirement"  Game On!

As to what I'm gonna do next, I think there is profound wisdom in the quote that Ky supplied yesterday and so I give it to you again.

"The work you do while you procrastinate is probably the work you should be doing for the rest of your life."---Jessica Hische

Ky was unable to post her comment and I suspect it has something to do with "Internet Explorer"  I downloaded "Google Chrome" just for the sake of this blog and it works 100 times better.  Cory, I bet that would solve your problem as well

I think I have underestimated the emotional impact of this past week.  I hope at least that it's an excuse for my terrible workout today.  Based solely on recent physical exertion I should have been fresh today.  I planned 35 kms and quite after 18!  I hope it's just that old mind/body connection thing that I've preached about before

Oh, and off topic....but just for the record... Cosma International (the Cosma that I helped build) has for all of  last 10 years been the most successful group in all of Magna.  I make that statement based on financial results and employee opinion survey results.  We made the most money, and our employees were the happiest!!  So there!!

And lastly for my friends Deb and Ky....we have a hot tub....outside!!

And lastly, lastly, where the hell are my socks Elly?

(run 18 kms)

"The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does."---Anon.......with the employment laws in Ontario this is not necessarily true.

"Age is only a number, a cipher for the records. A man can't retire his experience. He must use it."---Bernard Baruch ....I never really valued experience until others seen it as a value in me.

"Retirement is the ugliest word in the language."---Ernest Hemingway....even old Ernest agrees with me

Love

Peter

"A Whole New Ball Game"

I'm sure you've heard of the term 'institutionalized'.  While as a verb it means the act of being sent to the funny farm, as an adjective it describes a psychological condition experienced by people who have been quite literally locked up for an extended period of time.

That's the way I feel.  Lost without someone or some situation to tell me what to do next.  You come to depend on the system.  For example, I am having trouble getting my e-mail to work on my personal phone, or I can't seem to export my contact list, and there's nobody to do it for me!

And I can't e-mail anyone to get help because guess what....no e-mail!  That was a really weird moment for me last night.  First I could no longer get on our corporate intranet site, and then, even though I knew it was gonna happen, when they pulled the plug on my e-mail it still somehow surprised me.  I have had that e-mail address as long as e-mail has existed.  I had to stop myself from picking up the phone to get it fixed, as if it was just another routine technical problem.  Alas....someone purposely cut me off!  Threw me off the bus!  Out of the family!  Into the street.

And that's really the biggest thing I guess.  All my friends work at Cosma...well not all of them....actually a lot of them got fired with me!  I guess the point is that Cosma was the home that brought us all together.  Now without that connection will I still remain part of the gang, or will the relationships quickly dissipate?

My role over the last several years has gradually become one of counsellor/advisor.  A great part of what I do (did) is talk to people, hopefully bringing some inspiration and encouragement..  Despite some of the frustrations I have experienced it was that part of the job that I really loved.  I got such gratification out of seeing people grow and develop their skills and I think I will miss that the most.

But when all is said and done I am confident that this is the very best thing that could have happened. My termination was handled with respect, and after little negotiation, for a little while at least, I don't have to worry about working.  I am super, super excited about the upcoming summer now.  By the time I finish the hyperbaric nonsense spring should be almost here, and I intend on living outside for the most part of every day.  I will probably come inside to sleep and maybe to eat!

If only I had a nice pair of 100% cotton socks my life would be complete!

No workout for the second day in a row.  This morning I was up for good by 3:00 am and combined with all of the nervous energy I have expended over the last few days I am utterly exhausted.  Tomorrow is long run day but I will not finalize the decision to go until the morning.  If it is still cold and windy I may procrastinate for another day.  I need a good "long" run without too much pain!

"All things are difficult before they are easy."---Thomas fuller

....and I know this one is probably not relevant or very self serving but that probably does not make it less valid....and it has the right word in it

"All personal, psychological, social, and institutionalized domination on this earth can be traced back to its' source: the phallic identities of men". Andrea Dworkin

Love

Peter

"Fired"

And on Christmas Day at that!!

Terminated, Given the boot, Let go, Dumped, Sacked, Canned, Cashiered, Axed, Shown the door, Chainsawed, Bounced out, Eighty-sixed, Given the old heave-ho, Discharged, Dismissed, etcetera, etcetera

After 27 plus years I have lots of mixed emotions but the over-riding one is a sense of peace. I have given what I have to give and I think it was enough....apparently they thought so as well....lol.

Someone asked me what I was gonna do now and I replied that I was thinking of maybe training for an Ironman triathlon!

Like I said, lots of stuff tumbling around in my brain. Tomorrow I will try to tell you more about it.

(no workout)

Actually, I began to think that maybe there is a god, after all. Or maybe it's a different one. The old one got fired."---Terry Gilliam

Love
Peter